Sorry I have not been here!

Sorry I have not been here in a while, I have been busy with work & play!

I have been experiencing new play with regard to bdsm, new pain, new emotions and new pleasures.

Reading about other submissives love of pain, I thought I would never be like that.  Unfortunately I am heading down the same path.  I am becoming a pain slut!

Canes I dreaded, but now adore!  Sometimes I find it hard as sometimes my body won't tolerate a caning and yet other times I can, why do our bodies react so differently?

Sir and I are having a wonderful time together and on the 24th of August we will have been together for 5 months, so due to having to cancel the hire of a dungeon for his birthday, I have rescheduled it for this date.

8 hours of pain, pleasure and being tied up!  Yes I still adore rope, I can't live without it, I'm so glad Sir also loves it as much as I do.

We attended a munch/play event at the weekend, Sir bought me the most beautiful black leather, purple lined wrist and ankle cuffs, also a matching black leather collar which he used on me when we played in the evening at the venue. 

A beautiful time of CP, spanking, flogging, whipping.  At last some beautiful marks were left.

I don't seem to mark as easily as I did at the beginning, and marks can fade in a few hours.  I love the marks, especially when Sir is away.  I admire them in the mirror and float back to the session we had when he made them.  Re-living every impact and emotion is mindblowing, especially when he is away for a while.

This weekend we are hoping to go to a new BDSM event, one we have spoken about for a while but are now going to attend.  I can't wait.  Lots of stalls for shopping and play in the evening.

Well better end it here, hope to start to write more again.

Raven xxx

The Downside of Being a Submissive

I have read about how submissive's have many highs and just as many lows.

It's my time now to express my feelings of being low.

I had the most wonderful weekend with him, Sir.  It was his Birthday and I had planned many things for us to do.  A very vanilla meal on the Saturday night.

Even when we are out, in public, I know my place.   I do test Sir sometimes and tease, it's a little thing we do together, but I know not to push too far as there will be consequences.

On the Sunday we headed into London,  browsed the shops.  Where I spied a beautiful chain lead, it was made of a nice light metal and even the handle was chain.  I bought this for him for his birthday, of course it would be me on the end of it!  We had a lovely lunch, looked at a few more shops then headed back to my house.

We decided to watch a film and just chill out.  I fell asleep, I hate when I do this, but Sir is kind and lets me sleep.  He knows how tired I get sometimes and just lays with me, holding me close and ensuring I'm ok.

After the film had finished and I had woken, he commanded me to undress. I had the fire on and the sun was going down outside.  I asked if I could leave one thing on, he said yes, only one.  So I decided to leave my knickers on.  Oh, I forgot to say, I was also wearing the beautiful collar that Sir had bought me a couple of weeks ago.

Sir lay down a blanket on the living room floor.  Attached the lead to my collar and pulled me close and kissed me.  Then pulled me down to kneel in front of him but with my back to him.

Next I felt rope around my body, just under my bust, then around my shoulders, arms, wrists.  My arms were tied behind my back.  Sir even bound my fingers.  This frustrated me a little as I like to touch and feel the rope between my fingers, but with my fingers like this I couldn't move at all.  Next I was laying on my stomach, my ankles crossed and tied, also my thighs, this was attached to the rope that bound my arms.  Next I felt rope across my face and in my mouth.  That was the last I really remember.

I was now there, in that place that he takes me to.  I get there really quickly when Sir ties me with rope.  I'm sort of there but not.  Again he told me afterwards that he touched my feet.  Now you will think, what's wrong with that.  I die when my feet are touched.  I'm so ticklish and scream.  Yet he touches them and I don't even flinch.  Sir loves it when he does this and knows I'm totally in subspace.  I just wish I could see it, I still can't believe he does it to me.  It makes me get the shivers even when I think about it.

Sir was then concerned that the rope on my arm was too tight, so he removed the rope on my mouth and arms.  I started to cry, I got so emotional.  Subspace was subsiding.  The tears were not from coming back to reality, but because I hate when he takes the rope off.  I feel naked!  Sir checked I was ok, I couldn't even speak, the words wouldn't come out.

I love rope as much as Sir does, this is how we met, with rope.  I will post that wonderful day here soon. 

After a long session of rope, being used in many ways and forced to come on command.  The time came that Sir had to leave.

This is when the sadness sets in, being alone, not hearing his voice, feeling his touch, hearing his heartbeat, the force of his hand around my throat as he kisses me.

When I woke this morning I sat there in bed, feeling low, looking at the empty side where he had slept.  I sighed, sniffled and touched his collar I had slept in all night.  I didn't want to take it off, but I had work, so reluctantly removed it and put it away in the drawer with the chain lead.

I have a daily ritual of sending Sir an email every morning, mostly work days as we spend most weekends together.  As I sat and described in detail how I was feeling, tears rolled down my face.  I hoped subdrop was not going to descend on me.  I haven't yet had it, but feeling so low and sad did make me wonder if I was going to have to experience it.  Sir does give me lots of aftercare, it's the one thing he always ensures he gives me after playing.  I was so low, missing him like crazy.  I never thought I would feel like this about someone, but I did, I felt it about him.

I knew I would have to snap out of feeling like this otherwise I was definitely going to feel worse.  So I thought back to the wonderful time we had spent together over the weekend.  I managed to crack a smile as I hit the send button to send the email I had just typed.

It's hard feeling like this, even more so when I don't know what happened when I was in subspace, it does worry me sometimes.  I know Sir cares and has my welfare at heart, but I suppose it's that loss of control, the control he has over me and my willingness to please him in whatever way he chooses.  But I know I shouldn't worry as I know he will watch how my body reacts as he pushes me and tests my limits.

But that feeling of being alone and reminiscing over the time we spent is what hurts, it makes me sad and it's the time I wish he was here and I am either in his arms or kneeling before him.

I miss you Sir, I hope you enjoyed your Birthday weekend as much as I did.

I love you x

The Collar

Sir and I have talked about collars.  What they mean to us, what they signify.  How he, would like me to have many collars, some for play, some for training, some for when we are at clubs, munches etc...  Even a permanent one that I can wear when we are not together.  Of course this would be something like a piece of jewellery as I think I may get some funny looks at work otherwise.

Of course collars mean different things to many people.  I have read many posts and blogs on peoples advice and opinions, but one thing was always at the forefront of my mind.  Whatever we did, it would be special to us, no rules, no guidelines to follow, it would mean something to only us.

A couple of weekends ago we went to a munch, they have an after party and Sir requested me to take a change of clothing as he wanted to play.

This would be the first time we had been together at this munch for the whole time and I was so looking forward to it.  I packed a see through netted dress, black lacy thong, as I knew if he wanted to use CP on me there would be no need to worry about knickers.  Lacy holdups and shiny black high heels.

We picked a friend up on the way and headed into town.  Traffic was crazy and I was getting impatient.  One of the things I look forward to are the workshops.  This time was one on impact play.  Even though it's not me administering any pain, it's a good thing for me to understand also the submissive side of things, the dangers, etc...  The other workshop was about Needle Play, it wasn't quite a workshop but more a discussion and chat for people who had questions.  This is one area Sir and I are intrigued with, it's not high up on our list of things to do, but I would love for him to adorn my skin with needles and ribbon, making my back look like a corset.  Maybe one day.

We managed to park and got there just in time.  After the first workshop we decided to get a drink, chat with friends and then head to look around the stalls.

At one stall Sir was looking at collars, I shied away but he beckoned me back towards him and said did I like the one he had in his hand.  I felt nervous, only because I didn't think he would want to get me one this soon.  He had ordered one, but it still had not arrived.  I suppose really it was more of me being scared.  Of course I want to wear one for him.  Feel proud that it's his collar I am wearing.  But also it's the thought of what other people think.  I know I shouldn't care, but I do have a thing about what other people think about me.  It stems from my past, being judged etc......

As I stood there whilst he kept looking I fidgeted, I wasn't sure now that this was the right time.  But I went back to our comments about what a collar means to us, then realised he was doing it for us.  Not for everyone to know I was his, that was obvious already.  Not a reminder to me, I submit even when we are in vanilla situations.

After he had tried many on my neck and asked my opinion, of course my answer was, "whatever you think Sir, it's your decision".  Sir chose a beautiful black patent leather collar with three rings, one at the front and one either side.  It was a lockable collar.  As he locked it in place I felt quite emotional.  I wanted to walk away right then, but looked in the mirror at the beautiful collar he had chosen that adorned my neck.  Again I did not say anything when he asked me if I liked it.  I'm sure I blushed, I felt warm, then said "come on lets go", of course he said "don't walk away, I haven't finished here yet".  Of course I want to wear his collar, be by his side as others look and see I'm his.  But I also had a fear of total commitment.  I had given myself to him, he owned me now, so the least I could do, was stand patiently and wait.

A couple more were tried on but he decided on the black patent lockable collar.  I thanked him and kissed him.  My heart did somersaults, I now know how other sub's have felt when a collar had been placed on them for the first time.  You can read so much, try to understand others' feelings, but only know the true emotions when it happens to you.

The collar was saved for a special time, all I will say is, Sir was pleased and so was I as he used me while it adorned my neck.

Thank you Sir, it's beautiful.

The Task - Whilst Sir is Many Miles Away

As I leapt up the stairs, my heart raced.

Sir had asked me to cum, to masturbate and cum for him. I had a task to fulfil for him.

We had been apart now, for too long, 8 days seemed like 8 weeks. 3,451 miles was between us. A damn volcanic eruption was the thing that was doing this. We still didn’t know when we would be together. I hope it is soon, real soon, I miss him so much right now.

I went to my cupboard and rummaged for the little tin box. Now my legs were shaking uncontrollably. He had this effect on me, it is more so when we are together.

As I put the silver box on the bed, I removed my jeans and knickers. It was cool in my bedroom so I decided to leave my top on. By the way he had chosen the toy of which I was to use.

I opened the box, there inside was the little pink bullet and its’ 5
attachments. Now there I was rethinking what Sir had asked of me. Play till 9.5 then wait for 5 mins then repeat 3 times, now was I supposed to do it 3 times or 4? I decided to do 4, that way it wouldn’t be wrong, I hoped.

I fitted one attachment to the bullet and lined up the rest in the order of arousal, now my heart was pounding, his cunt was wet, real wet. His clit was aching to be touched. I checked my clock on my bedside cabinet, 220pm.

Buzzzzzzzz, the bullet was on and heading downwards, my trembling legs now wide. I moaned as I played and I thought of Sir.

I imagined us at a BDSM club, me at the bar, dressed in black, with hints of red heels, nails, and frilly knickers. He came over and flirted. Other kinksters were playing with each other over the other side of the club. I could hear a whip cracking, a yelp and then a moan. How I craved all this. He leant forward and whispered “Would you like to play slut”, I quickly replied “Oh yes please, Sir”, “Well come along then”. He took my hand and led me to the other side of the room.

I was now moaning, in full pleasure; his clit was throbbing as I circled it, rubbed it, and pressed harder with the bullet. I was nearly there 9.5, then I was.

I lay there, wishing I didn’t have to stop, I had such a fantasy right now, but I had to stop. Stop playing and stop living this fantasy in my head. I looked at the clock it was only 225pm, my, that was quick I thought, it felt so much longer than 5 minutes. I watched the second hand on my alarm clock I willed it to go faster but it seemed like it was slowing down. I shut my eyes and basked in the feeling of contentment. Knowing I was doing this for him, he would be so pleased of his little girl. I breathed deeply, concentrating on keeping my mind focused, my body in control.

230pm came. I switched the heads on the bullet and went back to work, swirling around his clit, making it swell, turn red and protrude.

We came to a suspension frame. I hadn’t noticed when we first started chatting that he had a bag, he dropped this to the floor, with a thud. A tingle went down my spine, what the hell was in there? I thought. He smiled, I coyly smiled back. He turned me to face away from the on looking crowd of kinksters. Now I was scared, but excited too. What did he have in mind for me? Next I heard a zip, it was the bag, I kept my head where it was and didn’t look, and I knew that it would be rude of me. Next I felt rope being tied tightly around my ankles. He worked quickly, in no time at all he was tying rope around my waist.

Now I was moaning, as I rubbed the bullet up and down his swollen clit, oh I so wanted to cum right now, but held back. I was a good sub, sometimes stubborn, but an obedient one.

I felt my body being slight lifted not right off the ground but being supported around my waist by rope. He bent me over, I shifted my weight as I felt I was going to topple over in the high heels I had on. Next my wrists were tied and each arm was outstretched and tied to the frame. I was now in such a vulnerable position. I felt my skirt being lifted over my arse and then my panties being pulled down to expose my pale virgin skin.

9.5 came again, I moaned, don’t lose it now Raven, it’s for him remember. I stopped play, looked across at the clock, it had only been 3 minutes, no way I thought. Again I blocked everything out of my mind, only because if I was to carry on in my head, I would want to play, and orders were to wait!

As I lay there for a second time my thoughts of Sir filled my head. Our times together, how close we have become, how I had fallen in love with him. I smiled, but it soon left my face, I longed for him, his touch, his control, his using me. All the things I had dreamed of for a BDSM relationship, were coming true, my wish had been granted. What had I done to deserve all this? I smiled remembering our first meeting, it was just a pure vanilla date! Yep sounds boring I know, but there was a lot more to it than that!

It was time again to masturbate. I changed the head for the third time. My mind went back to the club.

His hand lightly spanked my bare arse cheeks, I could feel my knickers around my thighs, they had not dropped to my ankles and there was rope all the way from my ankles up to my thighs and this was stopping them from falling down. Each spank became more and more swiftly and much harder. My cheeks were warming up, no longer cold, but toasty. I suspect they were turning a nice red colour, but of course the position I was in I could not see. He rubbed each cheek, then leant by my ear and whispered “Good Girl, Good Little Slut”. I inhaled his scent, my eyes closed, oh how I wanted to be used right now, right here in front of everyone.

Next I could feel a light tapping, he was using a cane. I gasped, I had seen this many a time and the reaction of the receiver was very intense. I had yearned for this for years, but now I wasn’t sure if I really wanted it. I could hear his breathing change, he was enjoying this. My legs now trembled. Wetness from his cunt was dripping down my thighs. I blushed, I was thankful I wasn’t facing the crowd that were watching. Thwack, I moaned, my legs trembling uncontrollably now. So this is what it felt like, wow, such a feeling. I wondered how much I could take. Would he be lenient or just expect me to take it. I knew I could say my safe word at anytime.

His clit throbbed, begging for release, I stopped at 9.5 for the third time. I changed the head ready for the final time. I lay there watching the second hand pass each second. This was intense. I knew that the next time I masturbated I would have his pleasure for him.

5 minutes passed, my mind went back to us at the club, and this final attachment would do the job. I played circling pressing the bullet hard against his clit.

I felt myself being led, led away from the suspension frame, my knickers were pulled up, and the ropes were off, what had happened. I had lost it totally. Subspace had taken over when he was caning me. I could feel my arse cheeks tingling, that nice warm feeling of hurt, pain and pleasure all at once. I smiled. “Right slut” he growled as he opened a door into a small room of chairs and tables stacked up everywhere. He slammed the door shut with his foot, grabbed me by my hair and led me over to a table, where he forced me to bend over. My heart was in my throat, was he going to take me here, right here and now? I whimpered as my chest hit the table and my cheek slammed against it. “Shhhhh little girl”, he chuckled.

He pulled down my knickers with his other hand whilst pushing my head hard against the cold of the table. Tears filled in my eyes. Not tears of pain or fear, but tears of joy. He wanted me, to use me. I had wanted this for such a long time. He lifted my skirt over my hips and spread my legs with his foot. My whole body trembled. At least he wanted to do this in private I thought.

My mind was so into my thoughts, I had forgotten about cumming. I played hard now, knowing that it wouldn’t be long. His clit was a beautiful red. All swollen and glistening with his cunt juices.

He dug his nails into my sore arse cheeks. I moaned and wriggled, trying to see if I could make his nails touch the skin that wasn’t sore. “Keep still slut”, SLAP, “Ouch” I moaned as his hand gave my arse such a hard slap.

Next his fingers felt between my legs “What a wet slut you are” he said. His finger entered his cunt, then 2, then three, I moaned as he played.

I am so near now, but I keep holding off, holding off because I want the fantasy to continue.

He withdrew his fingers, then thrusted them deep and hard. I bit my lip to stop me from screaming, I could taste the blood that trickled from my lip into my mouth. He withdrew his fingers again. I waited for him to use his cunt again. Next I heard a zip, he was undoing his trousers, and they fell to the floor. I felt him run his erect cock up and down his cunt lips, how I wanted him now to take me, right now, please.

“Feeling horny little slut” he laughed. His cunt juices were dripping onto the head of his cock, he pushed into his cunt. I moaned. He thrusted deep and hard, in and out, he let go of my hair and grabbed both hips. I lay over the table feeling him use me, the table creaked, his breathing quickened. I would not cum, I so wanted to, but I would not, only on his command.

I was there but held back, my body begged for my mind to let go, but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, I had to finish this wonderful dream. I pressed the bullet harder and harder, using it faster and faster.

My arse cheeks hurt every time he thrusted against me. “Does my slut want to cum” he asked, “Oh, oh yes please Sir” I answered, “Well you can’t, not yet” he growled. He was going to let me cum, oh heaven I thought. One of his hands left my hip and reached down in front of my cunt and his fingers probed for his clit. This was going to be hard now, I would have to hold back, hold back until he said those words.

I could hear how wet I had come with every stroke of him pounding me. I begged in my head, hold back Raven, hold back. His breathing quickened, he pinched and rubbed his clit manipulating it with his fingers. His cock was throbbing and pulsating with every stroke as it entered his cunt.

I was nearly there, oh please, please say those words.

“Come for me, my slut, come now” as he pushed harder and deeper inside me, I whimpered, then moaned. My whole body trembled, my legs wanted to give way, my body jerked, I screamed out, I came, came real hard, he did not stop thrusting. Two deeper long hard strokes and he came too. Filling his cunt with his hot sticky cum.

I screamed as I came, I didn’t stop playing, I made sure every inch of this orgasm would be released, my body went rigid, it seemed to last forever, every wave of it releasing over and over, again and again. I glanced over at the clock it said 250pm, wow, it seemed so much longer than that. It’s funny they say time flies when you are having fun, it’s so true!

I lay there content, smiling but also sad. Sad because Sir could not see me, see what a good girl I had been.

This had been the most amazing orgasm I have ever had, from masturbating alone. All I wanted now was to be cuddled, snuggle under the covers with him. But I will have to wait. Wait for him to come back and be in his arms, his clutches once more.

I know that if he is not pleased with this report of the task he gave me, I will be punished. I am awaiting his comments.

A Poem Dedicated to Sir

Without rope I am naked, naked on the floor,
Bound tightly with rope, I have submitted
Submitted to rope, Submitted to you
My body limp, relaxed, content
My eyes fixated, staring at you
As you gently stroke my hair
That look you have, pure dominance
You own me, heart, mind, body & soul
I’m yours, to use
Over and over again
To endure the pain, you inflict
To savour the pleasure, released only by you
Your marks so unique, adorning my skin
Bruises or stripes, or even both
No tattoo can compare, but never permanent
They fade and I feel so sad
But I know there will be new ones
Ones which are more prominent
I crave those marks when they are gone
To wear them, when I’m with you again to be used
As your girl, your sub, your slut
I’m owned, by you Sir
Sir, I adore, Sir, I love, Sir, I cherish
I love you Sir..........